Dying in our Dreams ... Waking in our Life
Oh my goodness Holy Transformation y’all !!!!
Last night I died ... the most transformational death of my reality yet! Of course on the Aires Full Moon for this Fire Goddess (almost ten of my houses are in fire; including my Aires sun:). And … this dream is very real and potent and I don’t want you to accidentally “fall in.” So maybe check in before reading and only read if there is a fuck yes. This dream was a cumulation of the collective work of the retreat I was empowered to be a part of this weekend - and I died … of course.
(Don’t worry! I have died hundreds of times since I was about 11-13 when I started seeing my dreams … and would die, in my dreams, many nights for several years, until now it is just kind of normal. I have a Guide named Father Thyme - he thinks it is funny to spell it that way - who shows me around sometimes … another guide named Aaron … who shows me around the cosmos, and lately, as in the past six months to a year … I am all alone in black starry ethers when I die:)))). Magick :)))))
Anyway, back to my dreams … I was driving in the mountains toward the coast with a couple friends, when they get really excited. They see a community on the side of the road: people are farming hemp and cannabis, there are a lot of structures/buildings/construction as it is still being created, and the energy feels inviting. I am driving - and I kind of start to realize I am dreaming and multidimensionally traveling - and I breathe in the air - “I think this is Sam’s (name changed to protect the innocent) community! So cool!”
We are along the ocean at points driving, the roads are mostly dirt roads, a lot of rocks and bumps, and a lot of buildings we drive by until we get to one giant building eventually that says with waves “Love is the only Way.” It is like a metallic brick building, like the bricks are painted with a special metallic paint, red and cream. I park in the parking lot and they (the person I referred to) magically show up in the passenger seat. “Charlotte is right,” they said. “This is my community … but here’s the thing: Charlotte is not invited.”
Immediately I felt cold in my body, a little like a void and a little like some of my essence has been sucked out … and I realized at a deeper level that I have been cosmically traveling and dreaming - so I take a deep breath and decide not to be sad; that I love myself no matter anything; beyond all choice and experience I love me and will always be ME.
“Oh no worries,” I said. I’m just dropping them off (my friends in the car).”
I then feel how GOOD it feels, how relieving, to not be accepted into someone’s quantum reality who does not yet have the capacity to love me fully and unconditionally.
Becoming a part of someone’s reality who doesn’t love us feels to me like something we all do from all aspects of the spiral many times for learning … and it feels very tricky! It seems to create a lot of Cosmic cleanup as it takes our soul through a journey of dualism. I was so relieved and grateful they didn’t let me in, because in that moment I probably would have gone even though my being and body was saying NO. And my friends just kind of got out of the car and enjoyed themselves as I drove off down the road.
As I drove down the road … beyond where they told me I could go … because I told them I will respect your boundaries for your reality and not enter, but I’m not asking permission to exist. I’m not asking permission to Be Here (as in the Earth, as in The Whole). I will create my own. I AM (as in all of us… WE ARE) bigger than your reality alone as Cosmic energy is infinite and there is room for us all. Police cars were along all sides of me. It felt like they were out to look for me, so each time I saw one and it felt like an obstacle, I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, felt my limitlessness, told myself I trust myself and my ability to create and learn and create and learn. I trust the process and I trust the universe. None of them could find me each time and they drove right by.
Eventually I came to a point where I wanted to get out of the car. I pulled over. There were pine trees and an upward moving path. They appeared again, the friend, shouting at me that I was not accepted. I told them I wasn’t looking for their acceptance; I didn’t need to be accepted by them to be ME, to CREATE, to PULL in my POWER and to BE. This is when I realized they were actually not real; that they were a simulation for my learning. This is also when I realized many people were waking with me and my dream guide Aaron was there. We continued waking up the mountainside.
Eventually the mountainside turned into a big green painted pipe alongside a giant lake. Aaron said he was going to jump in and let the pipe explode - as he is a Fire God - to destroy the reality and start over. As soon as this is happening we all kind of flying/fall into a black space that becomes a bus. We are driving through the Cosmos.
We arrive on a New Planet. The friend again, the simulation one, is speaking as I get to the doorway. I look at them and say, “None of this is real. We created it all. Did you forget? The only thing that is real is that we are flying in the middle of the ethers.” I put my hands on what appears to be the physical matter in front of me and peel back the layers to show we are literally standing inside pure black nothingness. “This has always been true - we are cosmic matter and ethers and we use physical matter to create, but it isn’t real. … it is our creation and we can change and alter and transmute our creations at any moment.” I open the physical matter with my hands after peeling back the layers.
There are people waiting for us to get off the bus - they are literally witnessing me as the peeling of layers kind of becomes like unzipping a mesh tent. They are dressed in swimsuits and so excited to switch places with us; to go on a journey into physical matter when they see Allllll of Me and my emotions and ask, “Should we be afraid? Will we come back?” I smile, an affirm that I trust the Universe and the Soul can never be destroyed, butttt I am not going to lie and pretend this journey has been easy by any means. They are relieved and excited again and we get out of the bus and they get in.
Other things happen, as many are around and I am curious and exploring, like a man showing me Lemuria and other Earth games on a sort of topography chart … when I see Aaron. They are a woman in this moment. They tell me there is a spa where we can rest from all this work and to follow. When we get there, they hand me a bottle of shampoo. “It is time for Charlotte to have a death, if you want to, and you can be reborn again. Wash your hair with this shampoo in the spa and REST.” I look at the shampoo and I ask what it does. The label says, “To release all rules and religion.”
I wake up in my physical bed. Fuck yes, I affirm to the Multiverse. And got up in physical reality and took a shower, washing my hair and infusing the shampoo with the magic I just received.
Thank you EVERYONE for this weekend - My Soul as a being, kind of plays with our Oversoul realms, to dive into the depths of what we are all working through, the subconscious collective, like a literal Soul Mermaid would, helping us to clean it up … to purge all shadow and to Create. We are fucking powerful.
Photo is literally me … swimming with a mermaid tail … OF FUCKING COURSE